Reason #17: Katy Perry

Words can not even begin to explain my shock, disappointment ,and utter disgust in all things related to one, Ms. Katy Perry.  This pure, unadulterated hate extends to the fans of Katy Perry.

Let's start off simple. Her big number number #1 single, I Kissed a Girl, tied the record for the longest-running number one on the rock chats. Now what possible little band gets to share that prestigious record with Katy Perry? Just this little garage band out of London you might have heard of, The Beatles. John, Paul, George, Ringo and Katy all joined together by this record. Now what did The Beatles get achieve this with, I Want to Hold Your Hand. Oh what a long, long way we have come in this world that I Want to Hold Your Hand and I Kissed a Girl can share this. Faux bisexuality and good ol' fashioned love songs coinciding in perfect harmony. The classy chorus is driven by beats ready to pumped straight into the clubs. 

Expanding on this. I seem to remember a similarly shocking tune that Jill Solube did in the mid 90s. Gosh, what was the name of that again? Oh, right.  I Kissed a Girl. Way to break barriers Katy.  I remember thinking that that was a horrific song lyrically, but okay, it was a little catchy. Hm, how similar, but I guess it's okay. Katy's just one of the boys right?

And the fan's of her work are a piece of....well work. They vary. Sure, there are the pop music loving mass who has a generally poor taste in music as it is, but there is also a special kind of Katy Perry fan. These ladies, and yes I'm narrowing it down to ladies, bust out their acoustic guitar's and jam out their Katy covers at the local coffee house. I have  seen several Perrty-ites jam out to covers to both I Kissed a Girl and Ur So Gay, claiming that she is such a great musician. They say that she is witty, clever and original. 

Let's take a little peek at the witty lines. 

I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf

While jacking off listening to Mozart

You bitch and moan about LA

Wishing you were in the rain reading Hemingway

You don’t eat meat

And drive electrical cars

You’re so indie rock it’s almost an art

You need SPF 45 just to stay alive

You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys

No you don’t even like

No you don’t even like

No you don’t even like boys

You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys

No you don’t even like

No you don’t even like

No you don’t even like…

You’re so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal

You’re so skinny you should really Super Size the deal

Secretly you’re so amused

That nobody understands you

I’m so mean cause I cannot get you outta your head

I’m so angry cause you’d rather MySpace instead

I can’t believe I fell in love with someone that wears more makeup than…

You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys

No you don’t even like

No you don’t even like

No you don’t even like boys

You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys

No you don’t even like

No you don’t even like

No you don’t even like…

Brilliant stuff right there. She should join the ranks of Hemingway and Fitzgerald, unless of course she only reads Papa Hemingway in the rain.  And of course who can really think of anything bad to say about the line, "You're so gay, and you don't even like boys" with a refrain like that who needs to give peace a chance? She's really breaking new ground here. I mean she already talks about the taste of another girl's cherry chap stick, so she has to go back to the well, and tackle the sensitive subject of homosexuality by further talking about how somebody could be gay without even liking penis. She truly is quite the advocate for relations with the gay and lesbian community.  Thank you Ms. Perry, you truly have opened my eyes.

I really can not wait for her fifteen minutes to come to a close. There are millions of talented singer/song writers that should have the fan base that this girl does, and I'm even sure that some of the fifteen year old girls that she inspires to take up the acoustic guitar will turn out some much, much more talented writing and music