Today I'm starting what, I hope, will be a regular feature of this site, Type of Girls to Avoid. Now let's face it there are many, many horrible situations us gents find ourselves, chief amongst these is girls we try to rescue. Growing up we log countless hours hearing adventures of distressed damsels, kidnapped princesses, and the like. We spend night after night as plumbers, elves, rodents, beating level after level. Sure, sometimes the princess is in another castle, but we soldier on. The point I'm trying to get at here is that our youth is built on tales of white knights coming to the aid of beautiful princesses, so it stands to reason that this is seeped into our subconscious when we look at a potential partner. These princesses seem to be drama magnets.
Getting a little personal, I have dated anorexics, bulimics, girls with bi-polar disorder, and girls that have actually spent time in mental institutions. Take my word for it: you can't save everybody. I consider myself a nice guy, but if I have one glaring fault it is is that I'm almost too nice with my White Knight syndrome. I have experienced clear red-flags and turned the other cheek in an effort to not let a little chipped paint ruin a portrait for me. I thought with time, patience, and heck, maybe even a bit of luck, I would wade these women through the troubled times. It put an immense strain on me, because no matter what is going on, I'm the type of person who will put my partner before myself. Sometimes I helped, sometimes I hurt, but I was kept with it, waiting for the brighter day.
Along the way, I have realized that this is bad news from the start. You push, and you lay off. You talk, and you listen. It doesn't really matter. Nothing you do, by yourself, is going to make this girl better. Sure, it can help, but the big differences, they have to work for themselves. A girl could be really freaked out about relationships, due to a messed up history. You can tell her, you can show her in grand romantic ways, that it will be different, but it's up to them to decide.
I don't know if faith or psychiatry is the way to go, but I can tell you that I have run into problems with both. I suppose it depends on the individual and their specific issues. After 12 years of Roman Catholic school, I have become a bit jaded about religion, so discussions on religion with a Bible-belt Christian gal tended to get a little heated. On the psychiatric front, I tend to think popping a bunch of pills and changing your life as dramatically as humanly possible, equally as troublesome to a relationship. Maybe it's me, but I just have had my honest fill of mixed-up, bruised and beaten girls that are looking to me to save them. And I'll admit, it's partly my fault, and it's something I am working towards changing about my future relationships.
In recent times, I have slipped and fallen, and I have felt more lost than normal. I'm not looking for a savior, because if I was, one surely wouldn't come. I'm finally starting to learn how to put myself first, because I know I need a lot of work, but I don't think it is impossible to balance that and helping others. I know some people that decide to focus on fixing themselves can't handle other's leaning on them, but isn't that what a partnership is supposed to be? A give and take. I laugh and joke with others that I would like to meet "just one girl with her shit together", but in all honesty I know nobody really has their shit together, I think we go through these experience just waiting for the bearable amount of issues.
0 comments:
Post a Comment