We live in a society of labels. Age. Sex. Occupation. Marital Status. We are made up of labels. I'm a 24 year old male who is presently unemployed and single. So according to society, I'm not doing such a bang up job at life. Isn't the goal the wife, the 2.5 kids, the big job, and the picket fence?
So, when you look at relationships of the romantic sort, it only stands to reason that there are going to be labels. Are you dating? Are you in a serious relationship? Are you going steady? Boyfriend/Girlfriend? Living together? Engaged? Engaged to be engaged? and so forth. I feel there is a lot of pressure, especially in a burgeoning relationship to define what exactly it is. If I were to ask a girl out, and spend a few evenings with her, are we dating? Is she my girlfriend? Which is it. It's always an awkward, and sometimes stupid and unnecessary conversation. You have to check though, just to see that you are on the same page.
As a rule of thumb, if I go out with a girl, and like her enough to see her subsequently, I'm generally not out looking for other girls to spend my time with. I think "dating" is stupid. I've never been the "play the field" type of guy. There are some people out there that genuinely enjoy the satisfaction of adding another notch to their bedpost, but that will never be me. We shouldn't feel any pressure to box in things to these preconceived labels. How is it any different if I feel the same about a person, but instead of saying we are dating, I call her my girlfriend? It shouldn't really matter. Alas, there are those types of girls that when they hear the terms girlfriend or boyfriend, they get freaked out, assuming it's this giant level of commitment that
they aren't ready to commit to.
Why does it happen? Is it the previously mentioned emphasis on labels that society places. Why can't you just go out with a girl a few times and not have to have that discussion? The whole aspect of this has always seemed very high-school to me, and as I slowly get through my twenties, it gets even more immature and tiring.
When I was 20, I "dated" an 18 year old girl for about a month. When it got to the point to have the conversation with her, I pulled her over and said, "What are we doing here?" She immediately responded with a very callous, "I told you a month ago that I didn't want a relationship"
Back it up just a little bit. A month prior to this, I invited her to hang out, not really asking her on a date per-say, I saw in her online journal that she mentioned having a date with me. Since she put the label on this, I clearly assumed that that was what she wanted. So that night, I worked up the nerve to kiss her, and that was that. I spent a month being fairly involved with the girl. I saw her multiple times a week, I brought her home-made baked ziti at work. Basically, I was a nice guy and I put the effort into it. So, what exactly happened there?
I joked with my friends that she just wanted to screw around with other guys. And I don't think that was entirely too far off. She later mentioned regretting letting me get away. What I ended up taking from it (aside from my never date a girl who is 2 years younger than you rule) is that some girls put entirely too much emphasis on the labels.
Fast forward to 2008. I'm in a very similar, but very different situation. I am talking to a good friend, and there is the obvious attraction and chemistry there. We decide to make a go of it, she freaked out, I got frustrated. Repeat this cycle for about 7 months. All because she didn't want a boyfriend. I never even said the word, and for all intents and purposes we went through the motions of being a couple, but with none of the physical stuff.
So what does it mean to be a boyfriend? Is it physical? Emotional? Circumstantial? Committal? I would really love to be able to answer this question, but I'm afraid I don't know. The labels and terms all get mixed and muddled to me, and I think their specific societal labels have muddled them into something that is completely meaningless to me.
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